To my father

I am still angry that you left us, that you allowed death to take you. Even though our moments in the last few years of your life were so few. Moments, when you didn’t suffer so much that you could not talk. Moments that you enjoyed my company. I am angry at death and at the existence of cancer.

But I am also relieved, in my rational self, that you are not suffering any more, that you have freed us all from continuous fear of the worst to come, for it has come at last.

I put a tape on where you read a story for me, your voice is so strong, the story is a funny one and there is laughter in your voice. It was you as I remember you at your best. Full of humour, compassion, laughter and a love of life, learning, languages, food and good wine. A teacher always, but a student as well. Your intellect scared some, and delighted others.

You were there, always for me to talk to – however difficult the issues were. I love you for that. You were there to always walk with me up that hill/mountain, for you loved them as much as I did. We made up a new language together, when I was ill at home with a broken leg. I introduced you to StarTrek and you were brave enough to change you mind about SciFi. You welcomed my friends with open arms into your home. You played host to them and spend time with them. There are so many good memories; they far outweigh the few bad ones that exist between any father-daughter relationship. They are the memories that will now walk beside me as I go through life without you. I miss you so much and I will always miss you – but you are still alive in me, and those who knew you and even those who you only touched through your work. Goodbye father (tati) and friend.